A return to courtship ... or did we ever truly stop?

The Beautiful Human Being (BHB) and I have been spending a lot of time together. In fact, most of our time together. It’s natural and it’s effortless and, quite frankly, it’s been glorious. We gravitate towards each other and then blend our lives almost effortlessly. Consult each other when we spend time apart, not seeking permission to do so, simply respectfully making sure we hadn’t made plans together. 

We’ve shut down Dairy Queens laughing and talking over small sundaes. We actually shut down a Costco food court munching on hot dogs and ice cream. We’ve been cruising in my classic truck and we’ve done upscale dates. And in between the outings, we’ve cherished quiet, intimate time together. We’ve said goodnight in each other's arms and opened our eyes and said good morning the same way. 

Through all of what we’ve shared, the one constant is we’ve chosen to spend time together. Out of the people we could’ve chosen, the time we could’ve chosen for ourselves and the activities we could’ve selected, we chose each other and whatever we wanted to do.

The togetherness that has settled over us is about to shift a little and that means the effortless coming together will need to be planned. It will need to be intentional. You see, the BHB is working part of the week out of town. He’s been doing that for awhile; however, when he came back in, he stayed with me. He’s now been asked to housesit for a friend for at least a month, and that means his return to the city will have him in another house. A house that is 20 to 30 minutes away. And that means intentionally plotting our time together.

Initially, we were drama queens about the shift. "

What do you mean you won’t be staying here?!" 

"You won’t be part of this house? The travesty!" 

Do we both hate it? Yes. Are we ready to commit to living together? No. So we decided our own fate and dislike the consequences of that decision. 

Like everything else in life, though, we have the ability to choose how we frame a situation. We initially chose to see this shift through a lens of misery and loss. However, neither of us live in that world and so we decided to reframe and look at time apart as an adventure. Planned dating. Planned time together. A reset from the brief time we dated with a quick shift into a relationship back to dating.

And although we’ve gotten to know each other very well, the idea of intentional dating might help us discover even more things about each other. What we each consider to be romantic. What stretches the comfort zone for one or both of us in terms of activities. How we respond and react when we try new things. 

In my eagerness to embrace intentional dating, I boldly declared to the BHB I wanted him to court me! To woo me! I wanted romance and surprise dates! And, in return, I would plot some adventures for us as well. I wouldn’t be courting him, however. It wouldn’t be fair to him to do all the legwork, especially since he works out of town and has limited time. 

I’ve sat with this for a few days. Told a few friends that I’ve asked him to court me. Sat back in anticipation of what events he might have in mind. 

This afternoon, however, I had a revelation. It happened in a group conversation with the BHB, The Editor and I. I was talking about courting and I listened to the guys throw out silly ideas for courting and dates. As they were, it hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks: I’m already being courted! The purpose of courting is to spend time together. The purpose of courting is to choose and be chosen. To commit to getting to know someone in a meaningful way with the intent of developing a deep, connected relationship. And that’s exactly what we’ve been doing. We’ve been choosing each other, courting each other. 

I sat with that for a bit and let it wash over me. I like how it’s settled, how it feels right. Which led me to ask: “What is it, then, that I do want from our time apart?" And the answer is: I want to have purposeful, committed time together. Time where we need to decide, in advance, what day or days we want to spend together and have an idea of what we are doing with that time. Intentional dating. Still room for spontaneity, still room for lazy, gentle, drifting days and also days where we commit to new adventures designed to make us want to keep choosing each other.

I’m not sure Webster would agree with my definition of courting; however, it feels good in my mind and in my heart. And armed with that mindset, I’m ready to be courted and to court the ass off the BHB as we step onto this new path.