My Favourite Husband makes his second return visit after passing

My Favourite Husband. He came back for a visit.

I've connected once with My Favourite Husband (MFH) since he left this earthly world. Once. Just once. I’ve begged and pleaded for him to talk to me, message me, help me by letting me know that the decisions I’m making are good ones.

Radio silence. Nothing. Not a damn thing. Once. 

Stubborn ass.

I’m grateful for the one time. It was the night of his funeral. I was at home, alone, beyond any feeling that I can properly describe, although exhaustion, defeat, shock and bewilderment would be a good start. I sat in silence until I decided that 8:30 p.m. would be an OK time to go to bed. Once I crawled in, I laid there as my heart started beating faster, my breath quickening to match its pace. I had no idea what was happening and then I was out — asleep or in a vision. 

Immediately I saw him, wearing his cobalt blue spring jacket. He smiled at me and said, “I’m OK.” Peace settled over me. I think there was a bit more but I truthfully don’t remember it and I’m fine with that. As greedy as I am with wanting messages, the fact that this one is sharp and clear brings my heart calm. 

Because he came to let me know how he was, I thought that this would be the first of many visits. I was wrong. I begged. I pleaded. I cursed. I prayed. I tried meditation to open my mind and heart up and, when that didn’t work, I stomped around muttering that I was “just fine without him."

And I am. I guess. The years are moving and I am moving both on my own and with the help of the amazing people in my life. Turns out I can make the decisions we used to make together on my own. Decision for one, please! Having said that, it doesn’t mean that I still don’t ache to hear his voice and want his input. I don’t miss him less. I just miss him differently.

As my confidence grows, as my ability to live life how I want is curated, I no longer beg for his connection. I’ve grown to realize the one message I received might be the only message I’m meant to get. And I need to be grateful for that. 

And so, I’ve lived life the way I want and the days move ahead. I trust my own voice and my own instincts to guide me. And the thought of chatting with him has receded. Until recently.

Lately I’ve been waking up between 3 a.m. and 4 a.m. Wide awake. No reason why. I generally go back to sleep but to say it’s annoying would be an understatement. No dreams of him or anyone else but I’m thinking there must be an underlaying reason why. 

Beyond the annoyance, I haven’t given it much thought. But then, a few nights ago, something very strange happened. I was sitting at my home office desk on a Zoom call. The call is for a personal development class I’m taking. I had a can of sparkling water on the desk and suddenly — and for no reason — the can began to shake. Shake and rattle. It happened for about five seconds and stopped. Nothing else on the desk moved. There seemed to be no logical explanation for what happened and, trust me, I looked for one. The class I’d been taking was related to shifting off autopilot, resetting my nervous system, developing cues when I needed to pause and then choose my next move. I will admit, the deep yoga breaths, the centring and being present has made me feel sharper, more focused, more aware. But I didn’t connect the water can, my relaxed mental state and MFH until the next day.

My next-day activities included two courses at a yoga studio open house. The first course talked about tuning in to your intuition (and learning to trust it). The second course talked about relaxation myths and techniques that could possible help in times of stress, much like the course I had just finished. 

At the end of the second class, the facilitator moved us into a sound bath. Now I’ve come to realize I’m absolutely a sound bath kinda girl! I can, and have, drifted off into beautiful spaces just from the sounds. Excited, I curled up on my yoga mat with my head resting on a bolster. Tucked my soft, heavy, long sweater around me. As the lights dimmed, I closed my eyes in preparation of the upcoming moments of deep rest I would have and…

Immediately started crying! Tears coursed down my cheeks and then there he was. I didn’t see him. I just knew he was there. And so we chatted. I asked him if he fought to live the night he died. He said he did but that he was so damn tired from being tired and in pain that he was OK to let go. I said I was sorry for the times I was short and exasperated with him and he apologized for the times he was with me. I asked him why he didn’t help me when I asked him to come and do just that, and he said that I was doing great on my own. I told him I love him and he said he loves me. And then he told me he was always with me. When I asked if he’d come back again to chat, he didn’t answer but it signaled the end of our conversation. And with his departure, I stopped crying. I also received a sign that I was to have a piece of carnelian in my life. The message wasn’t from him, just a message before I returned to awareness. And then I laid in full alertness for the rest of the sound bath, calm, peaceful. 

After my class ended, I approached the facilitator and, hesitantly, told her my experience. And while sound baths aren’t necessarily meant to call in messages, she said I could be hearing from MFH because of all the work I’m doing to becoming more open. The time, the place were right for him to connect. And I believe that to be true. 

I left that day feeling good about myself, good about my experience and grateful for my time with MFH. Is it woo? Maybe, maybe not. I’m a believer that we are meant to receive what is meant for us when it’s meant for us. And hearing from him aligns with my beliefs: he’s hanging out with me and is a part of what makes me "me." I also thought about the middle of the night wakeup calls and the water can rattling. In hindsight, I think he was trying to get my attention to perhaps prepare me for a visit when the time was right. 

I’m not sure if I’ll hear from him again. I’m not asking to hear from him again. But he’s welcome to chat if and when he wants to. And he’s more than welcome to — and knows I’ll always smile — at the dimes he sends my way.