Peace is worth protecting

“She’s good. She’s just protecting her peace right now." 

I’ve heard the expression “protecting their peace” countless times before. Every time it was uttered, I smiled, nodded and pretended I knew what it meant. I assumed it meant to withdraw and isolate. To disengage with the world, fully and completely for a period of time. 

It can mean that but it can also have different meanings. And what inspired me to investigate was a social media post. It was a camping and fishing day a couple of casual friends had. The pictures posted were of smiling young women, a beautiful fall day, a lake. The photos radiated contentment. The caption talked briefly about the day and then the author said they didn’t tag one friend because “she’s protecting her peace. Don’t reach out. She’s fine."

I liked the way it was phrased — firm and gentle — but the fact that the friend who was “protecting her peace “ allowed her photo to be posted AND that she was out, interacting with others, made me curious as to whether or not I actually knew what the phrase meant. 

According to Google, it means:

“Prioritizing your mental, emotional and spiritual well-being by making conscious choices to minimize stress, negativity and emotional drains. It involves setting healthy boundaries with people and situations, reducing exposure to toxicity, cultivating positive habits like self-care and reflection, and learning to say no without guilt to maintain a calm and serene inner state."

I’ve read this multiple times, shaking my head each time and wondering why, for the love of God, this isn’t something that’s been a part of my life for years. Maybe it’s generational — the whole concept of self-care when I was growing up was eight hours of sleep, saying yes to everything (it was the only acceptable answer), working hard and eating. So, basically “no” was not an option and “go” was the only option. As a result, there’s a generation of burned-out humans around my age who not only didn’t protect their peace but didn’t know it was an option. 

I wish this concept had been around when I was younger. Maybe it was. If so, it didn’t filter down to my world. I think of how much more content my world might’ve been if I refrained from unnecessary apologies, an overload of self-imposed guilt and having the courage and firmness to advocate for my needs and how that would work in my relationships.

It’s never to late to create new habits and learn new skills. It’s never too late in life to set healthy boundaries, speak up for what I want and works for me. It’s never too late to minimize stress by disengaging from toxic relationships and relationships where there is an unequal focus on relationship priorities, where the effort put in is not equal to the effort received. 

It’s never too late to learn to say “no” because saying no might be what’s right for me. And, a big one for me, it’s never too late to learn to let go of guilt for being who I am, saying what I want to say (kindly and respectfully) without feeling like I need to apologize later. 

I’m not sure where to start with this. I’m a writer and I have a long travel day in the very near future. I think I’ll start by writing down my stresses, writing down habits I’d like to change and new habits I’d like to create. I’ll write down what brings me peace and contentment — activities that calm and soothe me. Experiences that ground me. And then, once I’ve plainly laid out my evidence, I’ll work on releasing and creating.

This will be hard for me. It’s a huge shift and a lifetime of unlearning. But with time and effort, I’m excited to do my best where, when the world gets overwhelming, I can step back, exhale and protect my peace.