Bi the way, I'm proud of you

A Love Letter to My Friend,

You probably read the first line of this and gulped. I meant to do that. Just like I know you followed the gulp with a chuckle at my impetuousness. My love letter is to you in friendship, with love. 

My intent with this public declaration is to let you and the world know how much I love, respect and admire you. You are charting your own path, a path that is true to the whole you. I’m honoured that you are allowing me to travel it with you. 

I’m so proud to have been your first kiss ... well, until years later when you talked about your youth. I then had the honour of being your first 'girl' kiss. I’ll always cherish this.

You’ve shared with me your experiences as a gay youth growing up in a city. A place where you had a bit more freedom to pursue your budding sexuality in a larger pool of people. I’ve listened, over the years, as you’ve talked about a man who had a large influence on your explorations, how much he meant to you and how bereft you were to hear of his death. He was your first kiss. It took years for you to acknowledge it but, once you did, you unlocked and opened the door that would lead you to discover your whole self as an adult. 

During our college years together, your queer side receded and you discovered you liked girls, too. It must’ve been confusing for you thinking you were gay, then straight. But you are neither and both. You are bisexual. 

You’ve lived most of your adult life as a straight man. You haven’t hidden or denied your queer side; rather, as you’ve described it, the pendulum swung towards attraction to women. Your heterosexual side. You seemed happy living life that way. 

Until the pendulum began swinging back towards your queer side, later in your adult life. 

Now I want to tell you that I love you and your straight side. The choices that you make. The person who you are. You are smart, witty, handsome. You have questionable taste in music. I digress. But as proud of you as I am for who you are as a straight man, I’m equally proud of you as a queer man.

When the pendulum began to swing, it would've been so easy for you to deny it. Not rock the boat. It was a choice. But it wasn’t your choice. Life can be over in the blink of an eye and you decided to honour the boy by acknowledging, accepting and exploring your queer side as a man.

I’ve heard about your flirting. Your online encounters. Your first sexual experience that made you feel like you wanted more.

When you went to a local meeting of a queer arts and crafts club, I cheered you on. That takes balls. 

It’s been over a year since you’ve dipped your toes into the water. Determined to have a respectful, romantic encounter and not a hookup. I’ve heard about you waiting to meet the right partner to be your lover for this season of your life.

And you've found him. You look so happy in the pictures you’ve shared. You sound so excited when you get messages from him. You talked about your first encounter and  how good it feels to be an openly gay man, holding hands, kissing. It feels natural. It feels right. 

And now, with plans for a second coupling, your bond will grow stronger and deeper. This man brings out the romantic, sexual, playful  side of you as a queer man and the happiness you radiate with him makes me beyond thrilled that he does. You chose this person with care. And although you don’t know what tomorrow brings — who does — you are willing to take a risk and see where this path leads. 

And that is why I love you. You are bold and brave and not afraid to take a risk. You are kind, thoughtful and respectful. Because you are bisexual, you’ve said your pendulum may swing back to a deeper attraction to women one day. If it does, you are making the most of your queer experience right now. You are making cherished memories for today and tomorrow. You are sharing your story, providing an example of attraction in all its possibilities. 

You are inspiring others to take a chance and to not be afraid to be who they are — or who they think they might be. You are inspiring me.

So many people walk to earth denying parts of themselves. But you don’t. You live life to its fullest. You live life on your terms. It’s a beautiful thing to be able to watch it unfold. To cheer you on. To be your confidante as you claim what’s rightfully yours, your whole true self.

I love you, my friend ❤️