“The woman realized she was not alone…she was on her own”.

 “The woman realized she was not alone…she was on her own”.

That line - the closing line from the tv series And Just Like That- gut punched me in a way no movie, tv, song or book line ever has. That line stopped me in my tracks, made me scramble for my tv remote and press the rewind button repeatedly as I let the words sink in. 

To be clear, I have only two things in common with the fictional Carrie Bradshaw- I’m a widow AND I have fierce female friendships. Much like her character, my close friendships have been the biggest stabilizer in my life. Grounding. Nurturing. At times, ass kicking.  No matter how much we have changed through the years or where we are in the world and in our lives, the roots of our friendships run deep. Shared secrets. Life altering events. Trying to figure out who we are in each season of our lives, all with the knowledge and security that unspoken love and support is with us as we do. It’s beautiful.

Society often defines alone as being without a romantic partner. We’ve become accustomed to describing people that way. Unattached? Alone. Single, widowed, divorced? Alone. Thinking that way can negate the other relationships in our lives. If we have strong, powerful friendships in our lives, friendships that are kind, loving, supportive and thoughtful is it fair to say we are alone? 

I’m not. 

Hearing the words though, through the magic of television, halted me in my tracks and had me acknowledging what I knew to be true but had forgotten. A not so subtle reminder that I get to chose the best definition of a word used to describe me. 

I have been described as being alone. I’ve described myself as being alone. Sometimes I’ve jumbled in the word lonely along with the word alone which has resulted in self pity parties and panic attacks because I’ve used those words to not only define my romantic status but who I am overall. Some of society thinks it’s a “condition” to be solved so why wouldn’t I want to remedy my state. Why would I want to be alone? 

I know better. I just needed the reminder. 

I’m not alone- not at all. I am, very proudly, on my own.

Lately, more than ever, I’m relishing remembering that. On my own. I can do hard things. I can do fun things. I can have adventures and experiences on my own. I can attend medical appointments, meet with different advisors, figure out my life. On my own. I’ve claimed my future, can determine who I want in this chapter of my life.  I’ve bent and flexed and compromised on my own. I’ve stood firm on my own. Tried many, many new things on my own. Am writing the next chapter of my life…on my own.

I’m a lover of life, a woman with an attitude that almost anything is worth trying, at least once. I’m pretty much a yes girl which makes my inner circle laugh, sometimes a lot. And cry, when they envelope the hurt. I’m scattered and focused because I want to try it all and do it all…on my own. And although they sometimes join me in my escapades, they know that doing things on my own will never stop me from going where the next adventure is. They are my safety net, the reassurance that in my life of adventure I’m not alone. I’m simply on my own. 

So much love to you My Forever Heart Sisters. I am blessed.