Turning 60 and Exhaling in Puerto Vallarta… The Prelude

 It’s been a beat since I’ve written a post for my blog. April. Too long.

No real reason, mostly life. I bit off more than I can chew by working two part time jobs to make full time hours. I don’t need to be doing this. I’m semi-retired. But I like both jobs, like being busy, like learning and growing. But all of the work left no time for play and, truthfully, time for existing only. 

Things have been building to a crescendo. Physical exhaustion, mental inertia. An increase in noise without the balance. I’ve been through enough learning to know that changes need to happen. I recognize the signs, that the physical and mental need to align. I need the noise to come back down, down to a diminuendo. My biggest problem is how. How do get off my self created musical ride? 

How do I scale back? And how do I add the piece I know is missing, the piece of the triad that I’m ready for….

…how do I add and align my spiritual side?  My purpose. How do go after what feeds my soul? What does feed my soul? 

I didn’t have time to devote to searching myself. I was too busy existing. But I’m a big believer in signs. In messages. Especially when you need them. 

I turned 60 at the beginning of June. I’d been thinking about different ways to celebrate or if I even wanted to celebrate. I’m “good” with my number. Sixty doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t make me pine for my youth. It doesn’t scare me thinking that the number of years of life I have left are far less than the number of years I’ve lived. But what DOES hit home is this- I’m positive that I’m not living my remaining years how I want to be living them. And so I used my age as a push, a starting point for the next part of my journey.

The next decision I made was how I wanted to mark my birthday. I knew that if I was going to make some life choices I needed to do so in a place where I was away from home. A place where I could exhale. A place where I could control my environment- how much communication with loved ones, how much interaction with strangers. 

Most importantly, I knew I needed and wanted to go alone. This way I could set my own itinerary.

I considered- and discarded- so many options. The only one that felt right was Puerto Vallarta. It was a place My Favorite Husband and I had travelled to several times. The memories are good, treasured. But, after much deliberation, I firmly decided that this trip would not be about him. I wouldn’t stop the memories that would come but this trip would be about me. It would be about the next chapter in my story and how I hoped to write it.

I feel safe in Puerto Vallarta. It’s familiar. And so I booked a beautiful room at a resort we’d never stayed at. Someplace new for me in a place that had been ours. It felt right.

With no expectations, just an open mind and an open heart, I set out to a place that makes me smile. 

I’ve journaled my week there and I’ll polish and share my posts. They aren’t a travel journal - I barely left the resort- but they are conversations with strangers who had messages I needed to hear. They are small bumps of self discovery. And they all point me in the same direction - spiritual self discovery. 

MFH will always be a part of every chapter in my story. But the time feels right to claim the life I’ve been creating the last almost four years. Becoming a widow put me into a situation that I never asked to be in. But since I am, the decision to create a life for me, in every regard, is my choice. 

I’m not sure where I’ll go. I’m not sure if I’ll always travel my road alone. But I’m also not worried about where my road will take me. It’ll be a beautiful journey and now that my writing groove is back I invite you all to come along for the ride. 

❤️