Messages From Strangers, No Expectations, No Obligations…Lessons From PVR

I took a glass of champagne with me as I walked barefoot to the beach on my last night in Puerto Vallarta. I wanted to sit and catch one more sunset. I wanted to sink my toes in the wet sand while I sat just out of the reach of the tide that rolled in. I wanted to look out onto the endless horizon where, at this time of day, the blue of the sea and the blue of the sky are indistinguishable, where boundaries are erased and everything is possible because there are no limits.

Puerto Vallarta has been good to me. I came with no expectations- just a heart and mind open to whatever was meant to find me. Besides the physical, mental and spiritual exhale, besides turning 60, there was no agenda. I had started working on some things in my relationships with others over the past year. Simple things but things that weren’t easy for me at times. 

One of the biggest was to let go of my expectations of others. Being in a dating then marriage relationship for about half my life there were expectations and obligations. But these last four years have shown me that those “rules” don’t apply to other relationships. “Let’s get together” doesn’t always mean what the words imply. It’s been an interesting lesson to learn. Sometimes one that stings. I’ve initiated conversations with different people asking about availability only to be met with “I’ll get back to you”…”I’ll let you know” …

The lesson I’ve learned is this… it’s ok not to initiate all the time. It’s ok to let some people go. It’s ok if some friendships look different than others as long as the roots of the connection run deep. And, for me, this magic happens when I simply have no expectations of others. What - and who- is meant to be in my life will find me. And the people who are already in it - my inner circle- will stay close if we have no defined parameters and no expectations between us.

If there are no expectations, there are no obligations either. Just honest, real connections that look different from day to day. It’s heady and powerful and beautiful. It’s raw, real and deep. Much like the sea where my gaze is fixed, there are currents and colors and depth not visible. There is so much to be discovered with the people in my life if I just let the relationship flow as it will.

I raise the glass of cold champagne to my lips, droplets of condensation dripping onto my tshirt, my cleavage. I smile as I sip, watching the sun turn a soft pink as it sinks lower. 

And, what about me? What about my expectations of myself? Could I - should I apply the same principle to me? 

I came down here with none but this is a week out of my life in a tropical paradise. Besides wearing sunscreen (partially successful) and not losing my bikini top I had really no expectations. 

I dig my fingers deep into the sand. The gritty grains a reminder of where I am now and where I’m returning to. Can I carry this exhale and all the peace that goes with it, home? Can I give myself the gift of no expectations except for what I want to do? Can I untangle myself from most of my “obligations” and focus on what makes me grow? Brings me joy?

With that in mind I think back to the previous day and a random encounter with a “messenger”. A woman taking selfies by the rocks on the beach near my resort. I approached her and asked if she’d like me to take a few. Delighted, she answered “yes” and then offered to take some of me. She began to share her story - a spirit who needed to talk in that moment. She, too, was widowed and had other deaths and, well, life, happen in a short time span. I listened as she shared and then she spoke about the motto that guides her life- Nothing lasts forever. When the good times happen, enjoy every moment. Capture the joy because they won’t be here forever. And when the hard times come, hold tight and ride out the storm. Remember that they, too, won’t last forever. 

She showed me where she had that tattooed on her and I was humbled and grateful for our encounter. 

I thought about it now, as I took another sip. If I took that message to heart - nothing lasts forever- and I gifted myself a life free of personal expectations and lived in the moment was this a possibility that could become a reality? 

The sun had disappeared under the horizon which was my cue to sweep my eyes with a panoramic view and walk back to a restaurant…. And then pack. Maybe… or sit on my balcony and enjoy my last bit of the night. 

Whatever I chose to do, I was glad that the universe gifted me with messages. People who did random acts of kindness. People who shared because I was open to connecting and listening. 

The next day was my travel day home. I said my goodbyes to the beautiful young lady who gifted me Lulu and Pablo. Caught a cab to the airport. Did all the things I needed to do to get on the plane and begin my journey north. 

When I went to sit in my aisle seat I saw that my seat mate in the window was already in place. As is my habit, I smiled, said hello and then began pulling out everything I would need to ensure I would have a quiet flight with minimal conversation. But, the universe wasn’t quite done with me yet. And although I don’t remember exactly what the captivating woman who would sit with me for our 4.5 hour flight said, it caught my attention and I found myself in the highly unusual position of WANTING to have a conversation! I think it should be noted that MFH and I barely conversed and this woman was a complete stranger!

We shared so much of our lives - deeply personal and light and frivolous. When the conversation paused it was merely a pause before resuming. 

Who am I? I did not know but after a week of discovery I didn’t care that this was out of character. Because it was very, very clear that if I allowed it, this behaviour would be the start of a new path.

So many things we discussed. And some takeaways that hit my heart. But the one that I could reflect on immediately and put into play was this - be where your feet are. My seat mate talked about being present in the moment. What are you thinking? Feeling? Here and now. Sure, take a picture but try not to let the picture be the focus. What you are experiencing should be. 

Savour the moment, the memory in your mind. Shut out the noise. 

I love that. I find myself overthinking, anticipating “what’s next” instead of living in what’s now. 

I don’t want to miss now for tomorrow. 

I’m blessed that this stranger wants to stay connected because I feel an alignment and a kinship with her. And I hope that our exchange was as wonderful for her as it was for me. 

**I’ve been home almost a month now. A month where I’ve found myself reverting back to who I was before my PVR exhale. And, I don’t like it. Recent conversations with my friend The Editor has put me in a reflective mood. And encouraged me to commit to following through…

No expectations or obligations set for myself (yes, logistically we all have things we need to do - pay bills etc) no setting a goal to be someone I have no desire to be. ….

Remember that nothing lasts forever….

Be where my feet are…..**

Much love ❤️