Spring Reset..A Time to embrace and a time to let go

Spring. A time for reset. Growth. A time to take a lesson from the plants in my flower beds and shed off the cover of winter and emerge budding and growing in the sunlight.

I began my Spring Equinox a few weeks ago by attending a sacred cacao ceremony. It was a small sisterhood that gathered. In addition to having our bodies move in celebration, we sipped the warm cacao (flavoured with spices) and set intentions. What we wanted to bring into our lives and what we wanted to release. 

And then, at the end, we turned those intentions into ash, the written word vanishing leaving behind only the memory of their promise. 

As I’ve been writing this chapter of my life, I’ve been trying to be intentional with my thoughts and actions. It will always - always- be a work in progress but if I’m preaching self love and self care then I need to practice it by ensuring that what I’m putting into the world reflects my true beliefs, values and feelings.

Along with that is a humbling reminder that what I want from the world is not necessarily what the world wants to give me. Accepting that is also part of my growth.

And so I fully  committed to continuing to being open to learning about myself including embracing my strengths and not hiding them. I committed to embracing my mistakes, learning from them and doing my best to not repeat them. I promised to acknowledge to myself that if I’m happy with myself and how I’m living then I owe no one an apology for being who I am.

Who I am will not always be someone who fits into the life of another but I need not change or flex to be someone I’m not to appease anyone. It’s a hard truth for a people pleaser. 

The biggest thing I committed to letting go of is overthinking. I can be a chronic over thinker, searching for the “why”. “Why” did someone say what they did? “Why” didn’t they say anything? What did I do wrong? Did I do actually do anything wrong?

It’s not healthy. Again, I think it stems from being a people pleaser. I hate offending. And if someone acts differently towards me, I default to it being something I’ve said or done.

Sometimes it is but sometimes it’s not. 

And so I’ve committed- recommitted- to simply letting things go, leaving things be. Following some of the Let Them theory principles, I say to myself “if they wanted to, they would”. I’m working on not over analyzing the words and actions of others, setting aside their place in my life and focusing on me, the only person I can control. 

It’s freeing accepting myself and my life. It’s freeing putting people gently to the side as they focus on their own lives and not worrying about our connection.  

Setting intentions as I move ever closer to 60 and deeper in my life as a widow is purposeful and feels right. I’m not the same person I was almost four years ago. I’ve done a lot of work and a lot of growth and this Spring, more than any other Spring, I feel like I’m in a place where I’m confident. I’ve stopped floundering. 

I’m proud of who I am and I know My Favorite Husband would be as well.