Detachment doesn't need to be forever

Many things cross my social media feeds: updates from friends, workshops I might be interested in, ads. Different groups that I  follow. Some of it interesting, some of it amusing, some of it drivel. Every once in a while, though, I come across something that makes me think. Really think. Today, that something was this thought on detachment. 

You see, I always thought that detaching did mean cutting someone off or out. I thought it meant an end; a clearcut separation. I thought detachment was final.

This, though, makes sense. It’s gentle and it’s doable. The last sentence, “True detachment brings serenity, a quiet confidence in the ebb and flow of relationships." This, I love. I love the idea that detachment means no expectations except to enjoy the here and now. To appreciate the person who may drift in and out of my life for that moment. 

I have a hard time letting go of people. I have a hard time when a relationship shifts and I’m suddenly in a position where I struggle to know where boundaries are. I struggle with what to say and even what emojis to use. I root myself in what was, not quite knowing where the boundaries are for the now. I move with trepidation, fearful that I will be careless with my feelings and thoughts as well as those of a friend. I thought that pulling back and the cutting someone off was the only way to detach. I thought if I didn’t do it that way, my emotions would still be confused and tangled. Reading this, though — dropping expectations and still embracing the moments of togetherness — means I can shift the balance. I can still have someone in my life that I’d like to have in my life, I just need to change how they appear in my life. No expectations to get together. No timelines for how and when to communicate. It happens if and when it happens. No vague promises for the relationship to be anything it used to be. Just an acknowledgement that it’s different. That there simply are no expectations. 

Detaching means it’s OK to not know the rules. Maybe there aren’t any. Maybe, like the meme says, it’s about saying and doing what’s right in the moment. Maybe it’s letting someone go without cutting someone off. 

If I can detach this way — and it’ll be a work in progress — let go with grace and accept a return moment with grace. I hope that I can find peace in my relationships with the people who are drifting away.