I'm thinking I might be sharing too much

There’s a saying that less is more. I’m not completely clear what that saying was referencing but I think it could be me.

I like to talk. And if I know you and am comfortable with you, I talk a lot. My text messages to my friends are novels. If you get a social media private message from me, you should probably be settled into a comfortable chair, beverage in hand, prepared for a lengthy read. I write as if we are having an in-person conversation when clearly we are not.

My messages have always been like this. When My Favourite Husband (MFH) was alive, he was the recipient of lengthy communiques. Our first cellphone required the pressing of multiple buttons to get letters and lengthy messages were akin to carving out stone tablets — and still my messages were agonizingly long. His response was generally five words or under. Often, it was one letter: “K.” It drove me batshit crazy; he knew it and did not care. In fact, if he could’ve answered in under one character, he would’ve, but since that would’ve been no answer (and he was way smarter than that), one character it was.

Most of my close friends like to chat on the phone for hours, so I fail to see why written long messages get me the gears when three-hour calls where I maybe get half the talk time (or less) are good.

I admit my communication preference order is: in person conversations; written messages; phone. A written message, to me, is something that can be read and savoured when time permits. It’s something that can be reread and a response crafted at leisure. Having said that, if a response is required immediately, I default to phone or short texts. 

I am completely aware I’m long-winded. I get teased about it on occasion but any exasperation from the reader usually doesn’t get back to me in the form of annoyance or anger. 

Lately, however, I’ve become more aware of my message length and how much I share. It’s not been anything that’s been said to me directly but in roundabout comments. I’m realizing that maybe I’m sharing too much of my life. Maybe I need to pull back a little. Maybe, just maybe, less is more. 

As I grow and change in this new life, I’m unconsciously — and consciously — reevaluating what works and what doesn’t. If I consider you a close friend, I’m an open book but maybe I shouldn’t be or I shouldn’t always be. 

A good example is a recent message conversation I exchanged with a friend. We recently exchanged updates on our weekend. Mine was long and detailed. It told my friend more than he probably wanted to know and perhaps more than I should’ve shared. He professed to love the update and the detail in it. His update, in return, was shorter, more succinct, not a lot of detail. It still told me what he did but it was the bare minimum.

This friend and I have known each other for many years. We’ve shared intimate details of each other's life. Secrets. It seems like we are comfortable sharing with each other. 

I wrote the first message and his shorter reply was the response. Because my message composition is already on my radar and it’s safe to say I’m a little nervous about it, his response bubbled up what’s already been percolating to the surface. 

Initially I was hurt — really hurt — by his lack of detail. I thought about the detail that went into my update and, although I didn’t expect the same, I felt like I got none. Just an overview. After the hurt stopped came the shame of what I’d written. I shared too much. I could’ve written something simple, less detail. Still informative.

After the shame came the analytical eye. The unemotional one. By sharing as much as I did, I gave my friend no opportunity to ask questions and converse. By going “blah,” I was telling and not sharing. His update left room for many questions — a conversation, if you will, through written word. The emotional side did sneak in here, though, with the thought that “if I have to ask, I’m prying … if he wanted me to know, he would’ve told me up front."

I tried explaining all of this to my friend and I think I just ended up confusing and frustrating him. And me. 

The biggest questions I took from this exchange were: is it impolite or prying to ask questions after a brief update? When communicating with a friend, do you provide details and complete the picture or withhold details until asked? 

And, most importantly, in all my communication but especially with close friends (where I’m very open): Is it time to retreat inwards, just a little? Is it time to close the book, even a little? When it comes to sharing my life, is less more?