I tried speed dating and - surprise - it was fun!

I’ve written far too many posts on dating. Do I want to? Should I try it? Yes? No? Blah, blah blah.

I’ve pretty much settled on no. And I’m so good with no — except for a recent 30-second window where I waffled to maybe, saw a speed dating event, decided to try it, bought a ticket and then promptly shut the window. 

I giggled at what I’d done, thought about it occasionally, joked about the adventure. Then, the day came. The day of the event. OK, Ms. Yappy, whatcha gonna do? Go or chicken out? 

The nerves started. The 'what the hell did I do' started. The 'gulp, this is real' started. I decided not to go. Then I decided I should go, then I decided to do a restorative yoga class that morning, so I didn’t have to make a decision. That was actually the best decision.

I’ll admit, right up to an hour prior to the event, I waffled. Then, after an asskicking (or two) from friends, I thought: “Fuck it, I’m doing this,” dressed myself up and, before I could change my mind, drove myself to the event.

Was I nervous to go by myself? Not at all. I’m not nervous doing anything alone. I’m not sure if that’s good or not. I have amazing friends and family who I love spending time with but I’m good with being solo. Was I nervous talking to strangers? Not at all. Working aviation for so long, conversations with strangers don't faze me. In the least. What was making me nervous was the possibility of making a connection that I might want to explore and cracking open the no-dating door.  The door I’d kicked firmly closed. Still, practising the art of conversation with a man during a mini-date could never be a bad thing. 

The event took place in the lounge area of a local hotel. I walked in, made my way to the registration desk, picked up a package, nametag and drink ticket, got my table assignment and walked in to the lounge. Ten tables each with two chairs were artfully arranged throughout the room. Each table would have a woman seated stationary and men would rotate through each table. Each round or date would be six minutes long. At the end of each date, each individual would fill out the scorecard that was included in the package: name, distinguishing feature (as a memory bump), friends only, yes or no. This was done in confidence — only the event organizer would know the responses. If a woman and a man said yes to each other, the organizer would exchange their contact and the rest was up to the individuals. 

I’m the type of person who can put an individual at ease almost immediately. I make eye contact, pick up on key words to encourage conversation, introduce neutral topics to put someone at ease and that led to more curious questions. I know it’s a gift and one that’s served me well. I will add that while I can draw you in and make you comfortable opening up, I’m also good at keeping what I want to disclose tucked away. I’ll share but I won’t share too much. You need to earn it to learn it. 

I did this with all of the men I dated. Turned on the charm. Out of the 10 men, there were three absolute no’s: a man who presented as arrogant; a man who had more of a blatant conversation with my chest than my eyes (and asked if I liked to cuddle), and a man who was deeply concerned with a potential disruption with the peace he had with God if he dated a married woman. Confused? Me, too. Apparently he’s drawn to a married lady (and she to him) and this is disrupting his peace. I used our six minutes to console, reassure and listen to his situation. 

There were three yes’s for me; all men where the conversation seemed to flow without a lot of effort. The last man I had a conversation with, everything seemed effortless and I really enjoyed our interaction. I said no to the men for various reasons: age, marital status (very recently separated), no chemistry in a romantic attraction way. Having said that, I did my best to keep an open mind with each man, knowing they, like me, had some nerves in play.

I left the event that night feeling positive about the night. It was different. Fun. I also left knowing that within a day or so, I’d be contacted by the organizer to let me know if I matched with anyone. 

Tuesday, I received the email. No matches. After I read the message, I took a moment to think, honestly, about how I felt. And, honestly, I was fine. Actually, I was more than fine. I went in with zero expectations except to try it out. 

I’m an overthinker but surprisingly I didn’t overthink. Is it personal? Yes and no. Realistically, we all have types we are drawn to — physically, sense of humour, career, life history, interests. Where I am in life and who I am is not what the men I was interested in are looking for. And that’s OK. I said no to the majority of men as well. 

I didn’t dissect possible reasons. Truthfully, it doesn’t matter and, truthfully, I’ll never know why so searching for a why is pointless. 

Would I do this again? Maybe. The biggest thing that I liked was that I had the opportunity to have face-to-face conversations with men. I got to look into eyes, see smiles. Does that make them more of less honest than men online? It does not. But it’s old school. Meeting in clubs, bars, parties. Meeting before technology. It was throwback dating to when I met My Favourite Husband. It’s a style that I can get into. 

And, that’s a wrap. My window Is shut again. I’ll keep bopping around the world, my companions the people who are already in my life and my beautiful solo self.