Just say yes

The fear of yes.

I’ve recently started following a young lady named Josie Balka on Instagram. She’s a writer and captures different thoughts on video.

She recently recorded something that very much spoke to me, made me stop, think, stop again, think again. 

Her piece was about: What if you weren’t doing things because of the fear of what could go wrong but because of the fear of what could go right?

Is this me? Am I potentially sabotaging myself from the opportunity of trying a few new things because I’m scared they will go right?

Like a lot of people as I’m aging, I look at new opportunities and the risk factors and, at times, talk myself out of them. While it’s prudent to be cautious, if I’m honest, I’ll try new adventures but I’m not as fearless as I was in my youth. I’m more choosy. I’m less bold. I sometimes think, overthink, back off from thinking, think again. 

I talked myself out of a few things because of everything that could possibly go sideways. What if I try dating (again) but this time find a nice guy? How will I fit him into my life? What would I have to give up or change? I probably shouldn’t even try since I love my life the way it is. In fact, I’ve literally just written a post about manifesting and, in that post, I’ve talked about manifesting my life as a solo individual. 

But what if I’m doing that — saying that — because I’m not scared of the rejection (I’m anticipating rejection!) but I’m scared that I might just find a remarkable man to share my life with? What if I’m talking myself out of trying because I’m scared of the satisfaction a romantic relationship might possibly bring?  Instead, what if I meet a great guy and we have fun together? Enjoy each other's company? What if we blend into each others lives while still maintaining all the things we love about our lives now? Why am I not thinking like that? 

That potential overseas opportunity I’ve been considering? What if I don’t enjoy the experience? What if my Mom becomes ill at home? Something happens with friends or family and I’m not here to help? What if I get ill/robbed/some other disaster? I’ll be alone to deal with it if it’s me and, if it’s someone I love, what if I don’t make it back home in time? Why am I not flipping the lens to say things like: What if it’s the best experience of my life? Planes traverse the skies every day, all day, multiple ways. I can come home if I need to. I have the smarts, the skills to navigate on my own but, if I run into trouble, I also have the instincts to ask for help to get me out sticky situations. 

It’s been easy to say yes to adventures like kayaking, burlesque classes, attending events solo. It was easy to travel on my own once I pushed myself out of the nest. Those things were adventures but didn’t have the potential to alter the course of my life. They were moments to experience with a definitive timeline. 

It’s harder for me to look at bigger opportunities and find the reasons why the fear of success is stopping me from reaching higher, flying higher and farther, doing more. 

The opportunities to shift out of my comfort zone, to jump trusting there’s a net below even if I can’t see it. 

What if it goes right?