From here to eternity - that has a nice ring to it

An eternity band. The one piece of jewelry I’ve always wanted. 

My collection has costume jewelry, antique jewelry, expensive jewelry. Earrings, necklaces, brooches and a few rings. However, no matter what I’ve been given, I always default back to a few pieces that feel like me. Because of that, My Favourite Husband (MFH) stopped buying me jewelry about 15 years into our marriage.

“You’d rather have a trip than jewelry," he’d say … and he wasn’t wrong.

The one piece of jewelry I’ve always wanted, though, was an eternity band. I wasn’t sure what kind I wanted. He bought me black diamond stud earrings and a black solitaire diamond pendant because he thought my jewelry should be a reflection of who I am, so what this band would look like would be interesting. Would it be traditional white diamonds set in white gold? Emeralds set in yellow gold? Morganite set in pink gold?

Whenever I broached the subject, the only response was: “You pick it out and I’ll buy it."

It wasn’t a few days after our 24th wedding anniversary that I raised the topic again as we sat underneath the huge maple tree in the backyard. He looked at me with those grey eyes I knew so well and asked: “What if I don’t make it to our 25th?" I saucily replied: “Well, then you better get on it now." He died a few days later.

I never thought about an eternity band until recently. I had stopped wearing my wedding band set about a year after he died and, on the advice of my Mom, wore no fingers on either hand to give my mind time to get used to bare hands. My bare hands felt awkward and naked at first. I know there’s no rule about how long I can wear my rings after being widowed but, at some point, for whatever reason, I knew I’d want to take them off.

It was hard at first but now, two years later, it feels natural. 

Well, almost natural. I still think an eternity band would look great on one of my hands.

I had a conversation quite awhile ago with one of my besties. Separated from her husband, making her own way in the world, she asked me why I didn’t save for one, buy myself one, for any finger I choose. Really, why wouldn’t I?

And so, when I’m bored, I peruse rings online. I haven’t quite found what I’m looking for in terms of style or setting but it’s fun to play. 

In the meantime, to get my hands used to having a ring on them again, I rummaged through my jewelry box and dug out a ring to try. 

My initial selection was a large fake solitaire. MFH bought it when we first started travelling so I could leave my good wedding set at home. I haven’t worn or thought about it for years. What I ended up wearing was his wedding band — a plain 10k gold band sized to fit me. 

So this ring had been forgotten. But now it was getting its debut. I looked at all my fingers trying to decide what was most comfortable, most appropriate for my widowed status. It took me the briefest moment to decide my middle finger on my right hand worked best. Not only did it make me laugh, it would be ever so elegant when I flipped the bird in traffic. And so, it has been the ring I played with the most … until last week.

I don’t know why I’d forgotten about it but stowed away in my jewelry box with my other rings was a thin rose gold band with tiny diamond chips in a channel setting. I had bought this ring for a few hundred dollars several years ago to wear at work. Tagging suitcases and handling luggage had been a part of my aviation career and that was hell on my wedding set. They are 18k gold and, because they are softer, they are prone to bending. Wearing a sturdier band would solve that problem and I could leave my wedding set at home and wear it when I wasn’t at work. 

And so I dug it out, cleaned it up and slipped it on the ring finger of my right hand. It fit right and it felt right.

It turns out I had bought myself the perfect eternity band years ago. In addition to it being a ring I like, paid for with money I’d earned, it has already built years of memories. Wearing it on my left hand ring finger, it signified that I was married and all of the commitment that went into being part of us. Switching it to the other hand signifies the commitment to being me and I look forward to all the memories I’ll make with it in this chapter of my life.