Valentine's Day — a time of flowers, chocolate ... and negotiation

A Valentine's Day bouquet message from My Favourite Husband.

My Favourite Husband (MFH) hated Valentine's Day — and I’m not exaggerating when I say hate. He wasn't against celebrating love but he was definitely against a holiday he believed was manufactured for the sole purpose of retailers making money in a post-holiday slump. He also hated he was made to feel guilty if he didn’t declare his love for me with flowers, chocolate or jewelry at double the price.

He was a grump about the whole thing.

Now I didn’t find out about this until we were married. In the three years prior to our marriage, he led me to believe he was all for romantic expressions on Cupid's special day. It wasn’t until after I said “I do” to it all (except the obey part) that his true feelings came out.

Needless to say, I was hurt. Well, I was actually angry more than hurt because you don’t spring that on your new bride.

So, when he boldly declared how he felt and I boldly declared he could sleep on the couch, we knew we would need to talk it out a little more and find a happy middle ground that would work for both of us. 

We sat down and did just that. He told me he loved me everyday of every month of every year, and he would show me that for the rest of our lives together and not just one day a year. He shook his head and said rather than buy me a dozen roses on a day where there’s an expectation, he’d rather buy me flowers out of the blue just because. And rather than fighting crowds at different restaurants, he’d much rather go out at any other time for any other reason because, well, why not. 

In return I told him how I felt — that while I agreed with everything he said, I still would like something to acknowledge the day. And so we settled on exchanging cards. We both took time and care in selecting cards that would make each other smile and laugh. Over the years, favourite chocolate might go along with the card or a small gift. But the good stuff, the grand gestures of love, were the words and touches that were exchanged daily. The smiles and the tears. The humour that got us through a lot of dark days. It was knowing that we had each other to be our Valentines every day. 

Over our years together, he did bring home flowers 'just because.' It’s funny. I was digging in a drawer for something not too long ago and came across a few florist cards I had saved. I laughed, long and loud at one of them, though, because one of the cards was for flowers I received on Valentine's Day. I guess sometimes men who hate the occasion break down and celebrate it. Just because.

I’ve now 'celebrated' two Love Days without MFH where I’ve been relatively OK with the holiday. This year, though, for whatever reason, I’m not. This year being alone hurts, it stings and I’m not sure why. I’m not going to overanalyze it, though, or sink into a pity party. Instead I’ll just take a page from MFH’s playbook and grumble about the day.

And buy myself some flowers on Feb. 16.