Thanksgiving turns into episode of The Match Game

Sometimes, my family isn’t helpful. I mean, lots of time they are but sometimes they just provide comic relief. They are entertaining. But helpful?

My Favourite Husband and I didn’t have kids. But we have nieces and nephews. And one niece, in particular, was extremely close with her uncle. The two of them would meet for breakfast or lunch if I was away on vacation. As a child, she’d have sleepovers at our place and he’d spoil her rotten. The two of them would form an alliance where picking on Aunty meant two against one but done with love.

She misses her uncle. Talks about him with love and fondness two years later. I imagine she’ll be doing it 20 years later. The thought of me dating someone else is an idea she’s still digesting even though she’s an adult in her early 20s and wants me to be happy, no matter how that looks. 

Having said that, I was briefly, casually seeing a man and she met him. And although she was polite and pleasant, it wasn’t her uncle. No one ever will be. So the balance of my happiness and her acceptance might be a little tricky but she’s willing to be open. And 'helpful.' And then there’s her sense of humour, which she gets from her Dad, my brother, who is also ever so 'helpful.'

After a delicious Thanksgiving meal Sunday, the family was sprawled out on the furniture in a semi-comatose turkey haze. And as we were thinking about pumpkin pie, stretchy pants, when we would be hungry enough for turkey sandwiches, stretchy pants, my brother announced (out of the blue) that he would find my niece and I 'nice' men to date. She and I exchanged “what is happening here” looks before shooting my brother inquisitive glances. He went on to say that he would find these men in a grocery store. He would shop early in the morning when 'older' men would do their shopping and go back later at night, after work, when 'younger' men would be shopping after work. His thought process was that my one failed attempt at dating could use guidance and his daughter’s multiple attempts at dating left her picking men entirely wrong for her every time. 

I’m not going to lie. My brother is over six feet tall, heavy set with thick red beard — and the image of him roaming the produce section asking random men if they were single and did they want to date his sister both made me groan and giggle.

As I was trying to keep up with the fact I was no longer thinking solely about food and stretchy pants and now needed to think about food, stretchy pants AND my brother being a matchmaker, I wondered if anyone else had a 'helpful' family to provide assistance when not asked for on matters that were none of their business.

I looked to my niece for help since she was part of the grocery store dating situation but since, in my family, it’s eat or be eaten, she said to her Dad: “Wait, why don’t I look on Tinder for a guy for Aunty." Now if anything is guaranteed to make me yell “no” quickly, it’s any mention of online dating. 

I need to be very clear. I’m not opposed to online dating. I’m opposed to online dating for me. Why? Because it’s unknown. When I met MFH, there were no computers, no Internet. You met people at parties, in clubs, at activities. You locked eyes, exchanged smiles, made your way towards each other and had a conversation. Maybe that conversation would lead to further interactions and maybe not but you spoke with someone in the moment, in person. Yes, you could still pretend to be someone you aren’t but chances are you’d get “found out to be a fraud” sooner rather than later.

So, online dating, where that doesn’t happen, isn’t for me.

But that didn’t stop my niece from being 'helpful.'.

She signed onto her app and said, “So Aunty, what’s your age range?” And Aunty, full of turkey, defences down and not wanting to be paired with someone her brother picked out for her in a grocery store, answered “35 to 50.” Now my helpful niece replied, “But Aunty, you’re…,” so I piped up and said, “Fine! Go 55 and up.” And then the looking began. Now the gentlemen on there looked fine. Some were extremely attractive. Some had bios that listed kind gestures and interesting hobbies. Some had teeth. Some did not. And as my niece swiped over photos and said, “What about him? He looks nice,” I rejected photo after photo because as nice as these men might be, they weren’t sitting in front of me, live.

My niece came to the conclusion that I’m “not very good at this” and I agreed.

And so, for now, I’ll wander through life widowed and happily single. And if the universe figures I need a partner, I’ll meet one … in person, without 'help' from my family.

❤️