Happy Birthday ... to me!

 It’s my damn birthday and if I want to celebrate it I will!

…and that’s a great attitude because literally not one single person said I shouldn’t celebrate, so the defiant attitude is completely uncalled for! 

Maybe it’s the guilt that I’m here to celebrate another spin around the sun and My Favourite Husband (MFH) is not. So while his birthday celebrations stopped at 59, mine continue for now. Maybe it’s that I no longer receive the cheesiest birthday cards ever penned from him; ones that make me both roll my eyes and laugh — and it pisses me off that I won’t. Maybe the attitude comes from the fact I’ve worked hard in my healing to build a life I love and happiness is a part of that and I feel some guilt for being happy.

All I know is everyone in my life supports me and is cheering me on, so I need to own the fact I’m the cause of the shitty, defiant attitude.

So, after not celebrating or even acknowledging my birthday last year, after telling everyone around me that anything to do with my birthday would be unwelcome, after crying that I was spending my first birthday as a widow, I was ready to celebrate this year. I didn’t care what I did but I both wanted and needed to celebrate the woman I am now. I know with every fibre of my being that MFH would approve of me living in happiness. 

My plan for the day was pretty simple. My favourite Starbucks drink (brown sugar oat shaken espresso) and a pedicure to start. Then a donair for lunch. Tthen some time in the sunshine. That was the plan and that’s what happened. And it was wonderful. I loved every minute of it. I loved the text messages, emails, phone calls and social media birthday wishes because I love the people in my life. The day made me smile … hard. It made me smile hard. 

It was a beautiful day, one in which I smiled as I remembered different birthdays throughout my life: celebrations with family and friends and, of course, MFH.

And as the afternoon started to melt into evening, I began to get ready for the next part of my celebration: an outdoor concert by Luke Combs, one of my favourite country artists, that I attended with one of my heart sisters who happens to be one of my very favourite people in the world! 

It was a beautiful night to be hitting a huge outdoor stadium. We left getting tickets until the very last minute and, in fact, scored prime seats at a fraction of the cost while we waited to get searched as we entered the stadium. 

Once inside, we made our way to close to the front of the beer line (as queens like us should), then found our seats with cold suds in hand and let the heartbeat of the night take over. 

The opening acts were amazing but when the headliner hit the stage, we immediately stood up, started dancing and sang along with every word. 

At one point, I threw my head back in sheer delight because perfect moments like these were meant to be savoured, enjoyed, preserved so that when days are hard and joy has hidden, the memory of that time can be recalled and the world made right again.

The weather was perfect. The venue, an outdoor open air stadium, was perfect. The music was perfect. But what made the perfect — absolutely perfect — was the company. In addition to sharing this magical night with a heart sister, another friend who lives in my heart joined us for hugs, dancing and singing for a few songs. Seeing her made my heart smile. 

Leaving the stadium along with more than 50,000 people is always a pain in ass but I was on such a high that it didn’t matter it would take us awhile to get home. Literally it did not matter. 

As my heart sister and I walked arm in arm and made our way to where our ride would pick us up, you couldn’t wipe the grins from our faces. 

The celebration of my birthday was about so much more than marking my special day. This birthday celebration was about living my life to the fullest, surrounded by love. It was about recognizing I’m a lucky woman to have the life I’m building now.

Life can be different but life can still be beautiful. And it is. 

Happy Birthday to me. 

❤️