I learned to fly but is it now time to land and disembark?

One of the biggest discoveries I’ve made about myself since I’ve been widowed is learning how to trust my instincts and change course.

So I don’t think it’s a surprise to myself that I’m giving serious thought to ending my current flight attendant (FA) adventure and trying something new. 

Being an FA was never my dream job. I’m doing it for something to do; to keep busy; to keep my mind sharp. I’ve found I’m good in the role but I have many, many years in customer service. No matter what company I’ve worked for in the customer service industry, it’s basically the same:  treating people with kindness and respect, problem-solving and finding that sweet spot between the needs of the customer and the needs of the company. I’ve proven I can do that on the ground and now I can do it at 38,000 feet above it. 

So my restlessness has nothing to do with my abilities. And it has nothing to do with the people  with whom I work. I’ve enjoyed hearing about their lives and have grown to like and love many of them. Most of them are much younger than I am and are starting their aviation careers. They will succeed because they have a passion for people and a passion for this industry.

It also has nothing to do with my passengers. So many have shared parts of the life stories with me and it’s been an honour hearing why they are travelling.

It has nothing to do with this industry. Even though aviation isn’t in my lineage it’s seeped into my blood. It’s part of my DNA. I don’t know why and I didn’t know how but it just is.

All I know is I’ve been restless for awhile. And it hit me hard — really hard — sitting in a hotel room in Winnipeg on the first night of a four-day pairing. It was the only night I had a proper rest time on this pairing, so maybe there was more time to think and reflect. But as I sat on my bed and ate my supper, it hit me: I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be away from home for four days, hauling my ass across multiple time zones on minimal crew rest. I don’t want to be doing unpaid work. We don’t get paid until the main cabin door is shut and the clock stops when it opens at the end of the journey, meaning I don’t get paid for boarding or delays.

I’ve earned my flight benefits by retiring from another airline, so I don’t need to work for that. 

What am I doing if this no longer speaks to me?

I don’t really have a plan. I’m thinking about working in the perennials department of a local greenhouse for summer and then travelling in fall; taking a month or two to breathe, to exhale. Maybe immerse myself in a language in a country. Maybe just seeing who I am at this point in my life. Reassessing. 

I’m not sure of much but what I am sure of is that I need to listen to my instincts and trust how I feel. Yes, I need to be cautious but I also need to keep leaping, trusting that there is a net even if I can’t see it.

I love this life I’m building, even if I don’t love how I got to be on this path.

❤️