Friend or boyfriend? Hanging out or dating? More on dipping toe into the dating pool

Dating update! Not on my date with myself; I mean, it was amazing and I’m planning on calling myself again really soon.

Dating update on the 'dating another person' thing; the one that’s been less amazing and more confusing. That dating thang.

Well, with good communication and an open, honest and respectful conversation, it’s sorted. The confusion is gone. And what’s left is a solid friendship. 

As I’ve previously written, I’ve known The Boy as long as I’ve known My Favourite Husband, so there was a familiarity and comfort there. We didn’t run in the same social circles but we all had a similar interest in the same hobby and would see each other at events. So this was no stranger in my life. Still, getting to know him on a different level made me curious and interested. And if it was casual dating — and it was — I’m glad the first time I dipped my baby toe into the dating pool, I had the luxury of feeling safe and confident and accepted.

But the waters got a little murky. The lines between friendship and dating crossed and uncrossed, and it was hard to know from one day to the next where things stood. At times, things were said and done that would happen on a date. The next time we hung out, it was simply hanging out as buddies. Trust me, for someone who hasn’t been on a date in almost 29 years, it’s all a little much.

So, last Saturday night after we watched a movie and ate really good pizza (really, really good pizza), I asked what was happening because I was confused. To his credit, The Boy didn’t flinch. He explained where he was in his life, what he thought our relationship was and his thoughts on the future. I heard what he said but, more important, I listened to what he was saying. Right now, he was enjoying the friendship and it might be something more at some point. He was in a place in his life where he was content with the status quo. He wasn’t actively looking to be in a relationship and not dating right now.

He could understand my confusion because, well, lips have been locked, lip gloss has been smeared, and that doesn’t happen with any of my other friends.

I respect the honesty and the fact he felt comfortable enough to be honest with me. That speaks volumes about the fact we are solid in our friendship. I’m glad he’s choosing something that works for his life.

As for me, I’m in a good space as well. There were a couple times when I looked at a situation with The Boy from a dating perspective and experienced frustration. When I shift my perspective to a friendship, my expectations are different and my frustrations melt away. It’s healthy to be clear.

Now, how do I know there’s still a friendship? Well, he still calls daily; in the evening to chat about our respective days. And we have plans to do go out and do things this week and he’s invited me to a concert next week. I’m happy we are still hanging out because he is good company: smart, funny, charming. 

Am I sorry I tiptoed into the dating pool? Not at all, not even for a minute. Am I looking to repeat the experience?  Maybe. But, like The Boy, I’m not actively looking for a relationship. I told him I’m curious and, if I meet a man who captures my interest, makes my life a little magical, I’m curious enough to see what, if anything, it may add to my life. If it’s going to happen, it’ll happen organically, in person, face to face. I will not online date. There was no Internet dating when I met MFH mainly because there was no Internet. So, if this dating thang is meant to be, it’ll be…

In the meantime, I’ll continue spending time with myself, the people I love and occasionally The Boy. It’s a beautiful life.

❤️