Puerto Vallarta brings back flood of memories and emotions
I’ve tried — oh how I’ve tried — to find the right words for this post. I’ve looked for eloquence. I’ve looked for impact. I’ve tried to string together cuss words as creatively as I know how (and, oh, do I know how!) But nothing feels right. So, here it goes …
I cried in the crew van from the Puerto Vallarta airport to the hotel on my first layover there this last week.
No one saw or heard me because the van was dark. But this wasn’t how I envisioned my return to this beautiful area in Mexico. Not by a longshot. I didn’t get to choose when I went back; my airline did it for me. It’s been on my schedule the whole month so I knew it was coming but I avoided thinking about it. But walking out of the airport and into the night; smelling the humid, hot air; seeing the palm trees and the moonlight — it slapped my soul. It ripped my heart.
This was 'our' place. My Favourite Husband (MFH) and I came here for two weeks on our honeymoon 25 years ago. I had been to different parts of Mexico before but not Puerto Vallarta. MFH had never been to Mexico, so this destination was new for both of us. And we both fell in love immediately.
When my crew van drove past the hotel we stayed at all those years ago, my eyes began to leak. A flood of memories came crashing into my mind; all of them beautiful and all of them precious. I’ll greedily keep them to myself except for this one…
We went for a walk one day from our hotel to the Malecon (boardwalk), quite a distance away. It was hot and humid, and I was getting grumpy because we walked along the beach and my short legs couldn’t keep up with the legs of my tall husband. About halfway to our destination, he stopped, took me by my shoulders and had me look in both directions — where we had come from and where we were going. And then he looked at me, kissed me and said, “Always remember this moment.” And I do.
I’m not sure if I was ready to confront that memory flood but I had no choice. Here I was and if I was going to get through this night and the next, I was going to have to get my shit together before I exited the crew van.
We sped along the streets (Mexican drivers have no problem using the gas pedal) and I thought about other times that we had been there — six in total. We’ve stayed in five-star resorts and quaint Mexican hotels and had a wonderful time in all of them. We have never had a bad experience in Mexico and I’m lucky that he loved Puerto Vallarta and area as much as I did.
By the time we got to our crew hotel — an absolutely beautiful resort and one that I’ve never stayed at — I had stopped the tears from falling and composed myself to exit the van. That first night, I went for a short beach walk and a quick supper before heading back to my room. There, again, I let the memories come. The tears were less and my smiles were more as I looked at some pictures on my phone. I don’t regret a single moment spent together walking beaches, sitting in the sun, exploring the culture. Not one single moment.
Leaving the next morning and knowing I’d be back again to stay the night was easier than my first arrival. I’d successfully dealt with the onslaught on memories and gained some balance — the balance between the emotions the area brings and the logistics of work.
The second night I stayed was New Year's Eve. MFH and I had never spent a New Year's there and I wasn’t sure how I would feel about ringing in another year without him. But the other flight attendants I was working with wanted to see the fireworks at the Malecon (boardwalk) at midnight and asked me to join them, so I did. We walked to the area (a far shorter distance than my honeymoon hotel!). We joined in the throngs of people, ate some excellent street tacos and, at midnight, watched the show of fireworks that lit up the sky in the bay. And, at midnight, I got hugs from my fellow flight attendants; hugs from people who were now part of my new life.
Thank you for all of the beautiful memories you made with me; memories that fill my heart with joy. You told everyone we ever met that, given the choice, I would take a trip over a piece of jewelry or any other material possession. You were absolutely right. These memories that make me smile, make me cry tears of happiness, were the best gift you’ve ever given me.
I thought my return to Puerto Vallarta would be to honor one of your final wishes: the scattering of some of your ashes in a place we both wanted to winter in, a place that feels like home. In hindsight, I’m glad I came here before I travelled to do that. I’m glad that I dealt with the emotions that arriving brought and, when I do return to do what you asked, I’ll be able to focus only on us and the story of our lives together.
MFH, as I move forward in my new life start another year without you, know I’ll do so with love and gratitude in my heart.
One day we will hang out together on a beautiful beach again. I love you.
❤️
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