Journey reminds me to don't stop believin'

There’s something so heartbreakingly beautiful about being in a different country and having it feel like home. It's beautiful to have found my way here to Portugal but it aches my heart to have to say goodbye ... and I’ve only just arrived.

With my new job, I didn’t have much of a choice for vacation dates. I basically had a pick from the leftovers. But what was left over were weeks that I would’ve chosen anyway — time off in October. 

My Favourite Husband (MFH) and I always vacationed in October. It was always our California vacation. We attended the Cali Hot Rod Reunion in Bakersfield and either did Disney or San Diego or San Francisco as well. MFH used to drag race as a hobby and there were always friends attending or racing. It was a great way to catch up with people. As for the rest of our vacation, it was places that we fell in love with along with discovering new adventures. 

I thought I should go back and spend time redoing a California holiday. I thought I would be honouring his memory if I went back and retraced our footsteps.

But something different spoke to me. And while the California holiday would be perfectly fine, my heart didn’t feel completely at ease. I’ve fought hard to start carving a new path. My heart and head said that, maybe for this holiday, I needed to do something to honour me. Do something for me. Maybe it was OK to step forward.

So I reached out to my “heart sister.” I met her about 15 years ago at work and we bonded instantly. We have the same sense of humour; the same hearts; the same personalities. I haven’t seen her in person for about 12 years. Circumstances had her meeting the love of her life and moving to Portugal. I thought it might be time to see her again. My heart said so. My head said so. And when I asked what she thought, she simply said “come.”

So I booked a ticket, navigated travel and customs, and all the other intricacies of a journey — by myself. I breathed deeply a few times because it was just me, but also knowing that loving arms were waiting for me.

After making my way through chaotic customs and claiming my bags, I exited “stage left” and into the arms of one of the most incredible women I’m honoured to call sister. Did I ugly cry? Yes, very much so — and it’s on video! Did I care? I did not. How could I? The only place I’m meant to be is in the presence of her and her incredible husband.

I came with the plan of spending a couple days with them before moving on and discovering more of this amazing country. But I’m slowly getting talked into staying here for the balance of my stay. How can I leave when it doesn’t feel right to go? 

We are going places, seeing things and laughing our asses off. My sister's husband has captured my heart as well, although I do feel sorry for him listening to the two of us. It brings my heart joy to see the love between them and the home they’ve created. And I feel blessed I’m circled with their love, no questions asked.

This may not be the adventure that I thought I was going to have but it’s so much better and it’s only just begun. It’s made a tiny crack into the protective shell around my heart: the one that says to stay put and be careful; the one that says not to love deeply or take chances. I’m not there yet but I can see why people say, “Why not?” instead of, “Why?”

I think this journey will be filled with a lot reflecting, both internally and externally. 

My think this journey will bring even more peace and contentment, and maybe pose a few questions about what I want and where I see myself. 

I think this journey may open the door to more “why nots” — and that’s a beautiful thing.