Sympathy takes many forms (some pantless)

Preface: I originally wrote a journal entry about different expressions of grief that I’ve received back in my early months of loss. I’m blessed to know a wide variety of interesting people and appreciate their approach to me — interacting with me in ways with which we are both comfortable. It’s important to me to rework that original piece and to put it out into the world az- just because my world has changed and I’ve changed doesn’t mean our friendship has changed. To everyone who connects with a mourner: thank you. 

• • •

Grief can be awkward. You don’t know what to say to me. I don’t know what to say to you. 

You don’t know what I need and I have no idea what I need, either. We’re both a little lost.

Some of you hug me and hold me and say nothing. Some of you say words that you were raised to say when you connect with a mourner: 

“I’m sorry for your loss.” 

“My deepest condolences.” 

“My deepest sympathy.”

Some of you say things that are more untraditional but heartfelt:

 “You’re foxy as fuck. You’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know what to say. I want to say how the fuck are you?”

Honestly it doesn’t matter what you say because I trust that what you’re saying comes from your heart. Conventional? Unconventional? I’m good with both. I take no offence because you’re you and the fact you’re reaching out to me with love and compassion in your own way makes my heart happy.

It’s the same way with physical expressions. Some people have brought food, sympathy cards and flowers. Others have offered to do yardwork, help with cleaning, and sorting that needs to be done in my house.

Another offer came from a friend who has a side hustle as a male exotic dancer. He has offered to do a private show for me. When I asked him why, his answer was simply: “I want to give you a moment to smile.” He told me I could have his show be anything I want: clothed or not, music I like. Unconventional, sure, but I appreciate this offer of his talents and the fact that he thinks I might be able to forget about the loss of My Favourite Husband for just a little while. 

All of us are different and we all grieve differently. We all have people that make the tapestry of our lives rich and unique. For me, I think it’s wonderful that some people are comfortable enough with me to be themselves in expressing their feeling for my loss.

I’m so very lucky to have each of them on this journey with me.

❤️