Pennies from Heaven and other signs from the beyond

“Have you had a sign from My Favourite Husband yet?”

Signs from loved ones who have died. Never really thought about them or wanted them. Well, until My Favourite Husband (MFH) died. Then all I could do was ask, “Are you here?” “How about now? Are you here now?” “Talk to me. Can you please talk to me?" “How about now?”

Apparently, I did believe in signs. Wanted something. Anything. Just talk to me, damn it!

But it seemed that MFH had other business to take care of wherever he was and communicating with me wasn’t a priority. And while I desperately tried to be open to any interaction possible, I couldn’t force or fake something that wasn’t there. Something that might never be there.

But I need to hear from him. I need to know that’s OK. I need his input on the decisions that I’m making. I need … I need … I need.

And, just like in real life, My Stubborn Favourite Husband let me figure things out on my own until he decided the time was right to reach out.

The first interaction came the night of his funeral. As to be expected, I was both mentally and physically exhausted. At the end of the day, I came home, sat down and stared at the wall in my living room. I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t thirsty. I turned the TV on for noise. I had cried every tear in my body and all of the ones in my soul, as well. I had nothing.

So I went to bed, stared at the ceiling and began to have what I thought was a panic attack. My breathing became rapid; my heartbeat accelerated. Before I could react, I dropped off to sleep and dreamed. The only thing I remember about my dream is this: MFH said to me, “I’m  OK.” Those are words he would use — an expression that he did, in fact, use over the course of our life together. “I’m OK.” He was wearing his blue spring jacket and had a bit of a smile on his face. That’s it. That’s all. I wish I could remember more but the message I needed to hear is the one that I heard and remember. 

The next time MFH reached out was in regards to a classic car restoration project he was working on with a friend. Our friend has offered to finish the restoration for me but needed to know if it would be with original parts or with the parts MFH bought to upgrade with. I was a bit torn at first because, if I was selling the car, I should finish it with original parts but, if I’m keeping the car, I should do it with the new parts. I had done some thinking about it over the course of a few days and decided to keep the project. Once again, laying in bed, I said, “Babe, I’m thinking about the new parts and keeping the car. Do you think that’s what I should do?” And then my sign: Irish Spring soap — his scent — as strong as it could be. Makes sense. He was a car guy, so why would he talk to me about anything else?

There have been a few more times he’s thrown me a bone and let me know I’m on the right track: a perfectly preserved flower from the spray that I placed on his grave (the rest of the spray was dead and frozen), his favourite song on the radio.

The most recent communication has been during my training to become a flight attendant. Training is brutal and it should be: my primary role is the safety and security of everyone on board.

There have been three times during my training that I’ve had signs from him and they’ve all appeared during particularly challenging times. The first time, I was studying in my office for my final exam. I left the office to grab a drink and use the washroom. I set my pen on top of my loose leaf notes. When I came back, there was a penny next to my pen.

Pennies have also appeared twice more when I was away from home to be tested on my evacuation drills. I had freshly laundered clothing in a suitcase. On the morning of my first day of drills, I took a shirt from my suitcase and a penny fell out of the folds! This suitcase was brand new — never used — and the penny is not currency that is used any longer. 

I also found a penny the last day of drills — the toughest day. Again, in the folds of a shirt.

I took both of those to mean he was watching out for me, cheering me on. 

When I looked up pennies as signs, what comes up in some material is that they can be new beginnings, a sign of unity with the loved one and a sense of one.

I have no idea if MFH will be communicating more in the future or if he’s said what he’d like and is leaving me to figure out my new path on my own. 

What I do know is that whether there’s more or not, the love we had will always be in my heart and I’m OK knowing he is, as well.

❤️