Finding balance, learning lessons, taking big deep breaths

My balance sheet. Where my goal is for everything to come out even. Shitty situation. Big, deep breath. Dig for the lesson. Finish with the gratitude.

It’s not easy some days. It means flipping the lens and some days I don’t want to flip the lens. Some days I’m so frustrated with something that my gratitude is snarly and a little bitchy. Sometimes there’s a heaping plate of sarcasm (thank you universe — that’s exactly what I need). But usually, upon reflection, I can find something to express sincere gratitude about.

Yesterday, I had to dig hard to make my balance sheet a wash. It wasn’t a bad day by any means but it it had two very distinct WTF events that made me literally go WTF, several times over.

Situation: the tire pressure warning light came on in My FavoUrite Husband’s truck. Means that there’s low tire pressure in one of my tires. Easy! I’ve got this! Putting air in tires; been doing this for years. Park the truck behind the house. Unreel the hose from the air compressor. Go to start it …

Shitty situation. WTF. Why doesn’t this thing start? What am I doing wrong? Are you kidding me right now? As time passes, I start hopping up and down like an angry elf and using language that would make my Mom stick a bar of soap in my mouth. This is ridiculous.

Big, deep breath. Take a picture of the #$&#$&# air compressor and send it to a good friend who’s not only a mechanic but has used said air compressor in projects that he worked on with MFH. Wait for the reply. Confirm that what he’s sent back is what I’ve done. Garage is quiet because the #$&@#$& air compressor still won’t start. Create a backup plan, which has me putting on a good pair of jeans, making sure my hair looks good and applying several coats of mascara because I’m going to drive to a mechanic shop and get them to put air in my tires for free. Not particularly proud of this plan but I’m kind of pushed to my limit. Before I can get up off my chair (located in front of the @#$&$#@ air compressor) and execute the plan, my phone rings and it’s my retired mechanic friend. Explain my backup plan. He laughs. As I stand up to shut the @#$&$#@ air compressor off, I inadvertently kick it and it starts. I holler with joy and say goodbye. Should’ve just kicked the damn thing to start with. Fill the tires. Life is good!

The lesson: the air compressor (yes, I’m no longer referring to it as the @#$&$#@ air compressor) has sat mostly idle in the year-plus that MFH has been gone. Before giving up on a tool or equipment that hasn’t been used, give it a clean and be patient. Use lifelines — phone a friend, Google, whatever — to get it going. 

The gratitude. I’m grateful I have vehicles that will help me get things done. I’m grateful for tools like an air compressor to fix things when I need to. I’m grateful for the support of friends who are willing to help me as I make the effort to learn. I’m grateful that I have killer mascara and a good pair of jeans should I need a backup plan.

See? That wasn’t so hard. Look at me; I can do anything! I just need to be calm, patient. I’ve been doing that a lot in this past year.

Let’s see what else is on my list of things I need to get done on my day off! Yes, I’m strutting but I’ve conquered the air compressor, put air in my tires and taken all of my pruned tree branches to the eco station. I’m invincible! 

Hey YEGWidow. It’s the universe. Hold my beer.

Situation: I had to do MFH's final tax return. Took it in to a supposed tax expert several months ago but government clearance is required to file them. Clearance can take several months. No big deal. I just need them done right. 

Shitty situation: well, the so-called expert had been a nightmare with my taxes and I really did not want to deal with this individual. After basically doing her job, I got them sorted and out and put to rest. Or so I thought. Called the so-called expert to inquire about the clearance for MFH. It just so happened to have come through that very day (insert huge, dramatic eye roll here). We review the taxes and she said some of the credits and donations from my return needed to be rolled over to MFH. OK, so my taxes needed to be adjusted. OK, and the so- called expert forgot to include something on my return even though I provided it to her. Not @#$&$#@ OK! But she wouldn’t charge me for my tax adjust because it was her error! 

Are you @#$&$#@ kidding me? You won’t charge me for an adjustment due to your error? Do you know how I “fixed” my air compressor?

Big, deep breath. That’s exactly what I took. I thanked the so-called expert for not charging me (OK, I might’ve had my teeth gritted but I was on the phone so she couldn’t see). We reviewed MFH taxes over the phone. I asked for the documents to be securely sent to me for review electronically and asked that they be filed the same day. Inside I was roiling but I had a calm voice over the phone. If I could get through this — the incompetency, the emotions of the final tax filing, all of it — I would never have to deal with this person again.

The lesson: I did not choose my tax expert wisely. I should’ve done more research and received more recommendations. Instead, I panicked because I was getting close to the filing deadline and I used a company with offices across the country. My other lesson was to trust my gut instinct. From the very first interaction, things went sideways but I thought they were merely glitches. My gut said to go elsewhere but, again, being close to the filing deadline, I panicked and didn’t trust myself. 

The gratitude. I’m grateful that MFH has his final return filed. I’m grateful that I never, ever, ever have to deal with that individual again. I’m grateful to have gotten through this experience standing my ground on certain things and displaying patience when there was none. I think that’s all the gratitude I can dig up on this one.

See? That wasn’t so bad. My balance sheet was a wash. Let’s see what today brings…

❤️