Dating — the idea doesn’t make me wanna vomit anymore!

“You’re not going to know if you want to date unless you try dating.”

And so began a chat in the forward galley of an aircraft, all because I happened to have a conversation with a gentleman and remarked he seemed nice. A bit more to the story? Yes, but that’s what the essence was: a conversation with a seemingly nice man.

It’s interesting meeting new people as a flight attendant. We connect as crews and share some of our life story as we get to know each other as we travel. My colleagues didn’t know about My Favourite Husband or me prior to meeting me a few months ago. So when I say I’m a widow, they express their condolences and take their cues on talking about my loss — or not — from me. And the fact I am open to their questions, upbeat in my attitude in life and like to have fun makes most of them comfortable in saying things to me, such as the dating advice above.

I’m not offended in the least because it is solid advice. There was a point in the past year when the thought of dating made me want to vomit. I no longer associate dating and puking, so while I’m not actively looking to date, if the opportunity arose, I’d consider it (and hopefully not throw up on my date).

There’s a few things that would be tricky for me in even considering to date.

First off, there’s the issue of meeting someone. The world has changed since I met My Favourite Husband (MFH). There was no internet and, apparently, online dating is how people meet these days. That doesn’t resonate with me — being accepted or rejected based on a profile picture and information provided online. I prefer the human connection where I can see someone smile, see their eyes and have a conversation. And, even though I’m positive I don’t remember how to flirt, I am interested in seeing if I can in person.

Secondly, I’m in a place in my life where I come and go as I please. Between shift work and hobbies, meeting with friends — old and new — my life is full. Would I make time to date? Maybe but the gentleman would have to be exceptionally interesting. I didn’t ask to travel this road but, now that I am, I’m carving my path to make it something that works for me. The things I do, the people I connect with — I choose carefully and deliberately.

Thirdly, grief and dating. It sounds like a weird combination, right? Not like fries and gravy. But the fact is I will always miss MFH. I imagine there will always be moments in my life where I’ll want to share a moment with him and realize he’s not here. I imagine there will be memories that will make me smile and cry. And I imagine there might be a sharp pang as I recognize he’s gone. Is that grief? Yes. It doesn’t have to be debilitating grief but it’s grief nonetheless and I imagine it to be lifelong.

I imagine that dating someone like me might be tricky. While I don’t choose to live in the past, I do have a past and I’m not going to bury it. We all go through life experiences — especially as we age — that shape who we are and make us the people we are now. Loss — death, divorce, job loss and other things — change our outlooks. 

Would someone be threatened by the fact I will bring up a story or anecdote about MFH if it fits into the conversation? Would they think I’m comparing him to MFH? Would he be secure enough to know that my past is part of the woman he is potentially interested in getting to know? I don’t know. 

So will I try dating? Who knows. I think, like everything else, it’s just wise to be open to what the universe throws my way and figure it out as it comes.

❤️